Are we having fun yet?

My sweet nephew, Lawson (2 1/2 years), comforting Liam when he's crying.

Liam's not so sure about how fun bath time is...

It's interesting that this week I've had several folks say "Are you just having so much fun with him?"

"Fun" isn't really the word that I would use to describe the time I'm having with him on my maternity leave. I would probably say that it's wonderful...meaningful...so special...the most important thing I've ever done...

While we've certainly had some fun moments, it's also been the hardest thing I've ever done. Physically and emotionally, I have been challenged and pushed. This baby is completely and wholly dependent on us - for safety, love, comfort, soothing, food, changing, everything. Sleep deprivation has really taken its toll on my body and mind. I have no description for how I feel physically due to sleeping for weeks with mostly 1-3 hour naps (with some periods of relief when someone will take a "shift" and give him a bottle so I can sleep 3-4 hours). There are days when the only thing on my list of things to do is to sleep and cry because I'm so tired.

But, I also have to say that physically and emotionally, I've experienced the most significant highs of my life, too. Breastfeeding is one of the most incredible experiences I've had - being the nourishment for this little life and having that intimate connection is the most amazing thing. Emotionally, I feel overwhelming love at every little thing this child does. I think he's the most perfect thing there ever was and I am grateful over and over again at this miracle child. A year ago, we didn't even know if it would be possible for us to have a child, but thanks to science and God, we have this perfect angel.

So, "fun" really is a strange word to me to think about what it's like to be a mother to this child. It's not really fun at all. But it is wonderful, and special, and meaningful, and the most amazing experience I've ever had. Maybe that's not what someone would expect to hear from a new mom, but that's where I am...