Maternal Guilt

I got my hair cut yesterday and it felt so great because I was way over due. I decided to change it up a bit and get a shorter asymetrical bob cut (falls just below the chin). You know, there's just something that feels great about a fresh new haircut in the spring.

After my haircut, I went to pick Liam up from school and I could hear him screaming crying as I was walking down the hall to get him. When I went into the fellowship hall, he was so upset, tears streaming down his face, red cheeks. As far as I could tell, he was upset because someone took a ball from him. I picked him up and he was inconsolable. And the first thing he did was grab for my hair to run his fingers through it. But there was no hair on the back of my shoulders where he was reaching.

My heart absolutely sank and I felt just horrible for the little guy. Ever since he was little bitty, he has loved my hair. He runs his fingers through it and plays with it to sooth himself - when he cries, when he takes a bottle and is going to sleep, or just when I'm holding him he'll put his hand behind my head and play with my hair. When I got home from my overnight conference last Tuesday, the first thing he did when I picked him up was put both hands around my neck to play with my hair. He doesn't have a blanket. He doesn't have a stuffed animal. He has, or rather had, Mama's hair.

And now, it's gone. And I feel just horrible. It's not that I have no hair, it's just not where it usually is for him. I didn't even think about it when I got it cut. If I had, I would have just left it for him. Bless his little heart.

Who knew my maternal guilt would come from getting a hair cut?