It is what it is

I find myself saying this phrase a lot. It reminds me that there is only so much that I have control over and usually it's more helpful to accept things the way they are instead of fighting to change something that will likely not change. Whenever I focus on trying to do something about something I can't do something about, I cheat myself out of time, energy and moments that I could actually enjoy.

Liam had a great night last night - cried about 2 minutes before going to sleep and slept all night long. No huge melt-downs. Some whining when he didn't get his way, but that's typical. He woke up in the absolute sweetest mood (that happens after a good night's sleep). Mmmmm, I just couldn't hug him tight enough this morning.

An article I read yesterday talked about "negative days" that toddlers will have and to just come to expect them. Thinking about it, it makes sense, as I think as humans we all have negative days. I know I do - days I throw my own kind of tantrums and life just seems much harder for some reason. Testing limits is what Liam is supposed to do and we're prepared for that. Doesn't mean that it's fun (it's actually very challenging), but we're up for it.

I used to suffer from this disease called Perfectionism. It's pretty dibilitating, I recall. Lots of energy trying to do everything just right and lots of energy put into criticizing myself, feeling awful and beating myself up when I messed up because for some reason I thought I couldn't mess up because it would disappoint people and they wouldn't think I was so great anymore. This idea that my successes and failures defined me and defined how people felt about me.

Then I realized I was human. After that realization, I learned (with effort and lots of self-forgiveness) to accept that I was human and now, I think I actually relish in being human.

So, I've decided to be open about being human and not be fearful of exposing my imperfections, mistakes, questions and struggles. I do this in hopes that other women (and men, too) may feel a sense of permission to be human, too. This is why I post things that aren't always awesome, wonderful, and "Leave it to Beaver-ish." While we certainly have our wonderful, amazing moments (which is honestly most of the time), we have our messy ones, too.

I find joy in being imperfect and I think it's not because it's just so awesome to mess up and bomb at things, but more because of the freedom I feel in not being attached to what things look like. I have freed myself to be so much more open to what the universe (and my friends and loved ones) have to teach me. We have enough stress in our lives, so it has helped tremendously to let go of the stress of trying to figure out if I look like I have it together or not. Amazingly, I have not lost any friends or love in the process. In fact, I think the relationships are much more honest, authentic, and genuine.

So, "it is what it is" and "I am what I am" and "Liam is who he is" and so forth. I'm more focused on trying to be authentic. I want people to know me for who I am, what I believe, and what is important to me, uniquely. I am a work in progress, trying to be a good person, good mom, good wife, good daughter, good friend, good worker, and good citizen. I don't always do it right, but I do it with all my heart.